Sunday, June 6, 2010

The Loftiest of Peaks

The world is full of the bodies of men who've failed to reach the summit.  Attempting  the north face is not unlike bringing a woman to her sexual peak.

Before you even dream of tackling her elevation and firmly planting your flag victoriously, you need to work towards base camp.  A little preparation is the key to achieving your objective and reducing this mountain to a pleasurably quivering molehill. Indeed the 7 P's of the SAS would serve you well:  Prior Planning Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance. 

To conquer, begins with a map. Have a good sense of direction. Be aware of the paths and contours. The landscape is treacherous but beautiful, undulating and exhilarating. There are many more routes than just ‘up’. Understand her sensitivities and approach with respect. Many have fallen by the wayside before even reaching base camp because their compass was a little shall we say, left of centre.

Be cogniscent of her mood, the weather of a mountain is no different in its inclemency to that of a woman.  Be wary when the swirling mists obscure her visage or sharp winds cut through to the bone. This is no time to mount your assault. Wait until the clouds clear and the skies are blue and you can see her full shining countenance in all its anticipatory glory, bare and beautiful and waiting for your ascent.

Be delicate. Do not attack each undulating hill with cramponed feet. She is an ecosystem where all parts work together to achieve the whole. You need to pay attention to her smooth slopes as well as her rocky outcrops, explore and understand her crevices and crevasses. Know where it is slippery, where it is safe and where it is somewhere in between. Dally a little with risk but do not become reckless. Reckless souls will fall long before achieving the pinnacle of success.

Take precautions, as they will lead to a more willing subject assured that you will leave nothing but footprints behind in your wake. Neither climber nor the climbed need unexpected little surprises.

Take your time.  As you hammer in the last bolt, fix your carabenas and clamour over the rim, remember the journey and not just the destination.  A rush to the summit may lead to instant gratification but it shall not linger.   Be slow and steady, rhythmic and gentle, respectful yet exploratory. There is no need to stick to the established path.  It’s all in the timing and knowing when to thrust forward and plant your flag. And as Confucius said, "It matters not how slow you go as long as you do not stop!"

Be weary during your descent. Don’t fall asleep on the job, there are dangers above and below that will see your moment of success fall in ruins. You will perish on the downslopes if you are careless and lackadaisical. Make your descent purposeful. Take time to admire her beauty and embrace her wildness before you too soon hit the valley floor and revel in your achievement.

There is a gentle satisfaction that can be taken when back in the lower regions that one can take by simply remembering what one saw higher up. Even when you can no longer see, you will still know, you have conquered well, that loftiest of peaks.

Another entry in this month's Tenth Daughter of Memory "Reaching the Summit"


  1. sorry, figured all good how to manuals had them...ahem.


    HAHAHAHA! Oh, shit... that has to be the lamest joke ever.

  3. That's Him/herlayers I believe. Nice

  4. Gee... I never knew mountain climbing could make me feel so hot and bothered.

  5. I'm having trouble explaining who all the sherpas are in the bed.

  6. i thought i already left a comment?! oh well, suffice to say, this was unexpected and remarkable!

  7. Smiling, as I am sure everyone who read this will be :). Nicely done, Baino. Great take on Reaching the Summit. Here you have this fabulous balance of woman explored by man, mountain and climbing, and then you casually throw in "don't fall asleep on the job..." :)! Your humor beautifully mixed right in with one of the better guides to Reaching the Summit most may ever see :). HAh!

  8. Hmmm...hope I find a guy willing to go through all that!;p I think I'll give him this piece to read!

  9. This should be a manual "how to reach the summit" given to all explorers :)

  10. Such a cool idea. I think I know a few guys who need to read this manual....